Thoughts, events, etc

11.14.24

Kind of at a point where I'm just very desperate and everything I do makes me cringe but I did figure out the sensor thing.

11.13.24

Huge day today tbh I have my Weekly Meeting in 20 mins then the interview then regular shit then I might go to trivia with people tonight. I worked for a few hours on stuff yesterday and got some Clear but wild and not very helpful results. Normalized the predictions with the observed field strength values and took the std error of the predictions for each window and boy did I get Shapes. The predictions fit better for the weaker fields coming out of smaller windows but the two higher ones have steeper drop offs between points and the shapes fit NOT VERY WELL. Not even an inverse quadratic relationship with windowarea/totalarea ratio it looks almost piecewise it's So Strange i have to ask about it today. It's consistent with the data and makes sense irl but idk what to do with that to Refine The Predictions. I don't think a constant scaling factor is great for the two large windows either but that's a whole other thing. Very much in the trenches with this but I have to Make My Own little tool for a probability calculation so I need this to at least kind of work so i can use it later. Gawd. uhhh got free coffee with rewards points and its Cold outside. Leftover cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Not really much else going on I'm just nervous about the interview bc it really is make or break and if it goes well I'm getting a treat tonight and if it goes bad I'm staying home and prob trying not to have a total freakout about being dogshit and unhireable again. Also part of the issue is bc the sensor was misaligned by a few cm but idk how much that hurts the measurements. Kinda hard to move forward without knowing that bc I don't reeeeeally know how much the predictions are overestimating vs how much weaker our stuff is from the actual values just bc of the sensor

11.10.24

Imagine being a guy working on something cool af and some dude like 10 years older than you catches wind of it and starts publicly running his mouth about nonsense and taking your hype #justiceformarconi

11.8.24

Things are Maybe looking up now. I got an interview (YIPEE YIPEE YIPEE YIPEE) finally and might be cooking on that magnetic flux calculation. I had to write a whole new thing for it but did it in R so it was easier. This morning I plotted some test values using that function and the shape looks how it should so I think the value I got is usable. Still just an estimate and not accounting for the shielding or anything but it's better than nothing or getting some freaky shape.

I also only need one number from all this to multiply by the area but I wanted to check to make sure the thing was working right so i don't get Yelled At and can actually explain what I'm doing (also so I don't get yelled at )
Last night I saw a mouse and this morning I tried to catch a katydid but he flew away and as soon as he was in the air a mockingbird got him. Holiday coffee blends out also.
Went a day with no caffiene during the Stomach Bug Day and got a 6 hour headache that only got better for a bit when I took 30 min naps.

11.3.24

Making #moves doing #updates #grinding etcetc. Made cinnamon STIX today and not rolls they were good. Uhhh i'm registering for classes tomoro. I also want the tesla brainrot gone so bad its so annoying to deal with when thats all iwant to think about but I just gotta wait it out I Guess.

11.2.24

If the lord see fit I will 3d print a case for my mp3 player this week, just need to figure out how to add holes for the ports in the right spots atp. Saw another buddy today and got publix chicken fingers. Also watched all the greylock tapes on yt, cool concept.

11.1.24

Halloween was fun I love my friends. I'm tired of shit rn and still can't stop fucking up. I feel like I'm going around just larping without any actual Skill or Ability behind it and it's still so embarrassing everyday. I shouldn't be doing most of the stuff I do and if I got paid I should've been fired by now. I know I'm still just learning or whatever but I wish I could make all my mistakes without anyone besides me knowing. At some point something has to change. I feel like if I could just get serious right now things might get better but I'm lazy and don't want it bad enough because I keep doing nothing. I wish I had someone to hold me accountable and force me to do things because CLEARLY I can't do it to myself. At some point I need to seriously consider how much I like what I do vs how awful at it I am and if it's worth it to keep going that way. Everything else is going pretty well but I think the fact that this One Thing hurts so bad means I care so I shouldn't quit because nothing else ever felt like this. I like talking all day about other people and total nonsense to not think about any of it. All I end up doing is getting content with easy ws and using it as an excuse to chill or go out with people or whatever. I don't know what I can do about any of it besides just some vague ideas but I wish it would stop because the embarrassment is constant at this point. All my friends are freakishly smart and are just better or had their learning curve way earlier and it's hard to be around them sometimes knowing that I'm nothing like them.

10.26.24

Got my flu shot today and watched terrifier 3 and 300. Unironically enjoyed 300 but terrifier was HOT ASS. I kind of just dgaf about gore and the only part that made a any of the movie redeemable was the guy that plays art being able to do all that without speaking. Looks like it might rain here tonight.

10.24.24 (vent)

I haven't done anything good in weeks and am stuck in a cycle of saying that I Will do better next time and then totally failing to do that. At this point I think i need to seriously change something that I'm doing but I'm not sure what. It might be just waking up earlier. I'm not working hard enough and then bitch about the consequences of that like I don't do it to myself and make the choice to be lazy. I'm not as good as I should be in basic calc and I think about quitting the research group I'm in almost everyday. Presenting sucks in any subject and especially for that. It's embarrassing and I hate it and I wish the guy I work with would do it all and the prof leading the group is super harsh. I know I deserve it because I really do just suck at it all except for SOMETIMES when he says something totally wrong about something from statistics and that makes me feel a little better.
I was saying the other day that it probably isn't as bad as I think it is because he's telling me to Do More instead of give up and I still have this one bitch that's UNREASONABLY jealous of me and shits on everything I do. I also think I can't make up my mind between just whining and actually working harder to stop sucking like this but I can't commit to either so nothing changes. It's all draining and feels pointless since I can't improve as quickly as I want and I'm a little worried about being able to find a job that pays more than 11$hr this summer. Knowing you're stupid and bad at things but not knowing how to change it sucks but I might just not be patient enough. I could be doing more and trying harder.

10.12.24

Updating again bc it's fall break!! I kinda want to redo this page's theme too but we'll see. Everything's way too busy and it's kind of getting to be A Lot even though it's all stuff I wanted. I'm in a research group finally (particle physics yay) (as of early september) but it's a ton of work on top of some of the hardest classes I've had yet. Apparently econ gets hard when it's international and I'm just awful at taking the time to actually study dates and terms and shit for my greek art history class. I also have to start applying for stuff for next summer, look at grad schools, pass the training thing to get clearance to actually Go to the expriment I'm a part of bc it's at one of the national labs, and then do everything well academically. By well I mean almost perfectly to keep up the streak but Lord Almighty it's hard. Doable but I just can't be lazy ever and have to stay up later.
Good news tho- I finally permanently deleted instagram after ~2 months of being off it. Still been using my little mp3 player and working on reducing Phone Time. I also love the new pc AND it's finally starting to get cold where I am. About a month ago I had a really bad week with acid reflux but it's settled down some so I can drink a normal amount of coffee again :>>
Next week I have a lot to do on the 2 solenoids i've been working with and I like those guys so I'm not complaining but I think I need to get all my actual homework done before then so I can focus on analyzing the data from that.

8.14.24

First morning back in my apartment and I'm making the pillsbury ~deluxe~ cinnamon rolls!! I got to see one of my friends and his reptiles again last night and I think I'm going to visit someone else today too after a zoom thing. I didn't post on here a whole lot during the summer bc I was Busy and Exhausted but everything ended up going well. Just barely got an A in calc and the last week of work was easily the best one all summer And I'm still waiting on my last paycheck to come in the mail. No major updates yet but this year I think I want to put more stuff on my walls.

6.18.24

New single from the madna on 7/24 who cheered

6.17.24

Whew work is tiring but I can't really complain I guess. Basically just playing outside with the kids I work with but that also means BEING ACTIVE in the OUTDOORS for like EIGHT HOURS in 90 DEGREE WEATHER. Makin it work tho and I've started going to this coffee place inside twice daily for my #treats bc it's way cheaper than starbucks and they make a good iced americano. I've also managed to stay on top of calc stuff and have a 93 in the class rn with an 85 on my midterm which is a huge win since I had to take it about a week early. Last enstars event went well and I just barely got that makoto 5 star. Really enjoying the 2 year anniversary stuff but I Need the t shirt outfit for all of ryuseitai and maybe alkaloid. Another good thing about work (trying to stay positive even tho i'm Exhausted) is that I do like my coworkers and we're usually on the same page about stuff. Lots of bugs and turtles around as of late and my neighbor is out of town and is having my mom and I pick stuff out of her garden so it doesn't go to waste while she's away. My own okra is doing well too!!
Adding a little onto this actually bc I'm feeling yappy but I ordered a ryuseitai acrylic stand with the ninja outfits right after my first paycheck hit and I started IDOLiSH7 this weekend. Something about the 40 hr workweek really has me needing my silly little Fictional Idols more than usual

5.21.24

Home again and my online class has started. We're doing limits right now and it's looking like this is gonna be mostly a review of stuff I've already had in another class so maybe easy dubs there. Went to my old Place Of Work this morning and helped harvest some stuff and it was cool to see people again. Made my first nitro cold brew run of the summer right after though bc it was HOT. Seems like there's better bugs here too. I've found two weevils in the past few days and I'm actually Overjoyed about it because I've been looking for at least one for months. The one I found this morning was big enough to hold too!!!!!! He did indeed have his snoot!!!!!! Been learning Love is Dead by psycho le cemu on my guitar bc the rhythm part is almost completely super easy and I haven't played in months

Tha Mp3 Player Post

Back in late march/early april I was really fed up with streaming in general. Not owning anything, spotify being completely useless without premium, etc, when it doesn't have to be that way at all. The thing got here and the quality is UH. Definitely worth it's super low price. But it's small and has stickers on it now and does all the functions I need it to which is just hold songs. I took out the original 16gb and put a 126 gb microsd card in there for good measure since I want to not feel limited with it or have to worry about space. So far I can't recommend getting something physical to hold Your Media enough bc you can rip anything from yt and put it on there and it'll work completely fine when the internet is out etc. No accounts or tracking on there either. I might upgrade eventually but so far absolutely massive Dub

5.11.24

Hoping to be back more regularly especially now that I've updated the layout/theme for every page FINALLY. Finals are wrapping up and I have a ton of Lore to drop from the past month and a half-ish so here we go. FIRST OF ALL i changed my major and registered for a calc class at the community college back home so I won't be too behind with the math prereqs, but that has been Very Nice so far no regrets should be fun etc. I also really fw community college as a thing in general like how it's always There to either help or be your starting point. I posted about this on my spacehey (finally made my own layout for that too) but I Did get a shitty lil mp3 player that I will talk about on here soon bc I like being free from the 11$ spotify premium shackles. Did end up finding a job as well.. not quite what I wanted but I really like the hours and Dollars are Dollars so that's cool and it'll def keep me in shape. In early april I ordered some more titan pods from amphisbaena exotics and the all arrived alive and have survived since! I made some adjustements to my ventilation and watering routine and they've all been doing well. More active and there's a huge male in there that I think has been trying to breed some of the females. Not gonna yap about school too much rn but that's been fine too and I SHOULD finish with all As again. Looking forward to gettinig to fiddle around online and with my critters more now.

3.24.24

Been making MOVES as of late. Not many wins tho besides really good midterm grades but oh well I will keep applying for shit. There is one more internship I'm kinda hopeful about but realistically I will fr be at the nursery. Innn other news:
Catalan streak on duolingo is #back and we're at 15 days.
Got a 200x clip on lens with a light for my phone so I've been able to see springtails a lot better.
Uhh I ordered an mp3 player the other day and blabbered about that on my spacehey (OH i need to add that link on the index) and that should be here wednesday.
Got a really good matcha tonic yesterday but it was expensive so that's gonna be a one time thing
I neeeeed to go outside so this afternoon I might walk down to this one spot and visit the frogs
Yeah things have just been Decent ?? but uneventful. It feels like there's been 0 progress on anything but I'm hoping it'll all hit at once later on, like when something's stalling before just shooting tf off. Even if that isn't what's going on maybe I can force it to be that way. Ough

3.3.24

Feb felt crazy long since I've been busier with classes and clubs and stuff. All critters besides the titan isopods are doing really good and I feel bad for getting them at this point. Another one died and I can't tell why exactly but if the other 4 go then I won't get more and might 'replace' them with a. nasatum peach. My best friend also finally got a date thank god!! Nothing really major has happened Yet but i've started checking out more bug books from the library bc apparently there's tons of good ones. Staffed a high school quizbowl tournament yesterday which was super fun tbh but I HAVE to actually study Something before the next one I play at bc I'm still ass. Really been Appreciating my buddies lately

2.8.24

So far the new critters are doing well and another one of my isopods had her kids finally. The millipede spent like 2 hours eating a piece of a carrot this afternoon. This week has felt stressful for no real reason but I've been productive so I guess that's good. The weather during the day has also been really nice lately and my last T/T class got cancelled both times thank god. I've finally had time to catch up on chores and sit on my couch in the living room instead of getting straight in bed. Stats is still fun tbh. Kinda hard but it's cool getting to have so much freedom with the data analysis homework and what we "study". Going to Atlanta this weekend for quizbowl and I'm actually looking forward to this one since it's at a nicer school and I might do okay. I just want to contribute since we have a really small group going.

2.5.24

OUUUUUUGH yesterday was so fun :D another reptile show with some cool new stuff and an absolutely massive boa I got to hold for 5$. Didn't mind at all bc I've always wanted to do that and I like that vendor a lot. (Almost) everyone there is so cool and nice and makes me glad to be into inverts/reptiles. Got 4 beetles and a millipede which means I have MAJOR site updates to do but By God that is gonna take me a second. Both of my isopods released mancae within the past 2-3 days so gotta add that too. The quizbowl tournament this weekend also went surprisingly well and individually I ranked about like 30/68 which is my best yet. My friend got a TON of new critters (frog, new scorpion, fish) and my other friend got Plants bc he's making a windowsill planeter that'll hopefully end up looking really cool and #springvibes. Still hoping we go hiking soon

1.28.24

First week of school wasn't bad at all really! More demanding classes for sure but I have a lot of big gaps in the days that'll literally force me to do homework or study. I also hung out with 2 my friends and one of their friends a lot this week and weekend. Yesterday my best friend and I got some REAAAALLLY good crepes downtown and went to the library. Ran errands with my other buddy today. Sadly I didn't get tha research job, but I actually don't think anyone did. He emailed saying that his funding got halved which is just lame af for all involved. I did email someone in my department to try to find another thing though. Can't give up!
One or two more isopod mishaps this week that have me super frustrated with myself but I'm doing everything I can to learn from it and fix it. I rehomed two species to smaller plastic xl critter totes, switched to pouring water over the moss instead of misting, and added more springtails from petsmart to outcompete mites. Basically I just made the stupid mistake of keeping things too dry.
Vibes wise it's been rainy and good tea weather. I'm glad it'll be lighter later soon. I REALLY want to go hiking though and got an insect/spider field guide at the used bookstore today. Saw some interesting people in there today...OH also I went to the mall on the #errandrun with my buddy today. Got a cute keychain for my backpack.

1.20.24

Eventful day today tbh. After installing R and Stata I was like 'huh..I should get a new laptop case'... and went out to get one since the ice is starting to melt. Picked up a really nice mechanical keyboard which I LOVE even tho I wasn't planning on getting it today, but I accidentally got a case for a macbook pro and not and air. Returned it like half an hour later but fucked up again bc I got a case for m2 and not m1 bc my Stupid Ass didn't check. Eventually managed to just return the thing and I'll order a cheaper one. This semester is gonna be harder (but maybe more fun?) for sure since it's way more math heavy. Even though it would mean a liiiiittle more work I hope I get that research assistant job so I can at least make some extra money through it all (；￣Д￣)

1.14.24:

Eventually I'll make this layout a little better, maybe with toggle sections by months and more responsiveness when you click on something. Updating my notion and watching it snow rn BUT the snow might mean I can't go back to The City My College Is In tomorrow like planned which SUCKSSS bc I wanted some time up there early to get settled cleaned etc before classes start. Not *really* complaining since I like snow but this is the one time I actually didn't pack last minute and have my stuff together (ಥ﹏ಥ). One of my friends is out of the country rn studying abroad and he's always fun to talk to but idk what time zone he's in and I always wonder if I bug him sending him stupid shit (I don't think I do, he's just hard to read ack). Oh also another buddy and I went to this cool british themed bakery the other day and it was crazy nice but we had to walk back in the rain with no umbrella. Worth it tho. Site-wise I'm prob just gonna do longer and less frequent updates on here and am also going on an antipixel hunt since there's room for that on tha index page.
Another thing: apparently I've just been using my french press the completely wrong way this whole time. Putting the grounds on top of the little strainer thing and wondering why it didn't pour right.

1.7.24:

Bc of stomach issues I've seriously had to cut back on caffeiene but goddd the headaches are not fun. I also wish I had a job rn so I could keep making money during longer breaks but it doesn't seem realistic to hire someone totally new for three weeks out of the year especially if I'm somewhere else for the summers. Speaking of that, if I can't get an internship (they seem to want juniors and I'm complete ass at interviews) I might just work at a garden center so I can at least keep taking bug pics on the job. I know I've probably bitched about it before but it's hard having smart friends that seem to get those types of things so easily. They're so far ahead and just get thing after thing naturally. It's not easy obv and they def don't make it look easy but I wish I was like that. On that topic I also hate how much my family hypes me up when I'm still nowhere near the level of my buddies and only take easy classes.

1.3.24:

I've thought more about it and I think the main aspect of my goal to get more #offline is def just detaching from large social media platforms. Right now my main issue is instgram, so i've set a 5 hr limit (will decrease over time) on the app. I don't see as much of an issue with other stuff online tho like neocities obv, SOME subreddits, forums, and youtube. I really just have beef with short form content (tiktok reels shorts etc) and what that does to your brain and prefer the idea of spending online time in places where you connect directly with people over more specific interests and don't have any incentive to engage in toxic/fake shit like on tt and ig. Meaningless online discourse also annoys me because I really do not want to hear about or waste energy on some totally worthless untalented microcelebrity that I haven't even heard of being problematic or not.
The thing I've noticed that's been helping the most is not being like "ermmm is getting up to do [this other thing] really wooorth it??" because usually it isn't that important, but there's also literally no reason not to. Taking a walk, messing with stuff outside, whatever it is, doesn't actually matter much but it ends up feeling nice to be somewhere else and move around.

1.1.24:

Obligatory I've ben typing this blog post for two years joke first of all DAM..... Not too many deep thoughts really besdies that I wanna make a mini vivarium for yellow albino springtails. Some stuff I was grateful for in 2023 is having a better time during football season, all a's, getting to go out more and to reptile shows and all that, farmin outside this summer, and getting better at managing my money. AND I think between last spring semester and my current outside of school interests I've learned a lot more about coding and stuff which is nice bc I've always felt behind in that area. I also managed to meet up with my high school friends over break yipeeee. Might get up and get a twix to cope with my enstars gacha luck being total ass once again. I've been working on this anyways but my Main goal for next year is to be more offline or at least off of "mainstream" social media. I'm trying to set time limits on instagram use bc that's my main issue rn :P

12.30.23:

Ordered the extra 5 AND the fourth og one has showed up! 4/6 isn't ~great~ but individuals really make a difference right now. In other news, the more I get into inverts the more I get people that find springtails cute. They clean up after literally everything and are like little assistants to isopods, so if I do another tank I might get a reallllly small one and just have those in there now that I have a macrolens. Also this new years time is slightly less depresing than usual but I still can't get behind the hype of all the stuff on TV for new years eve. That and the award shows coming up just suckkkk. OH i also got really good french press coffee tonight! It's weird how different fancy restaurant stuff feels/tastes compared to my attempts to make it with my mini one at home.

12.29.23:

ERM i hope I die not really but kinda. One of my new pods died shortly after arrival and I can't find two of them, so theyre either fine and just hiding or also dead. I don't think I could've prevented it but I know it's my fault at least partially and the wasted money pisses me off too. This coming wednesday I can order 5 more for 25$ which is Surprisingly good and i prob shouldn't have bought off ebay to begin with but yk. Nothing wrong with the seller either I'm just an actual fucking idiot. The good news is I did get a chocolate titan!

12.27.23:

Good day so far bc I went to the mall and conveyorbelt sushi HOWEVER. I had an endeavor contacting a seller on ebay that I'm buying ispopods from. At first I said I wouldn't be able to pick them up (could mean they die bc Cold) bc i was STUPID and thought it meant like pick up IN THEIR NEVADA LOCATION instead of at the shipping place like right by my house . I was so scairt for a while there and felt bad but it got sorted out and he got my messages basically saying oops i Can Pick Them Up. Dude is a real one. ANNYYYYWYAYYYYYYY here's the cop

12.26.23:

Uhhh I wish I had something interesting to put on here but tbh I don't. The closest thing I have is that I ate a crepe for the first time in a few years and saw a dude crossdressing (unrealistically large honkers and ripped leggings etc) going into the pet store. Nothing wrong with that but I wonder what they were gonna get there and why they picked the #hotmess look for a 10am petco run. Just realized I never put anything about amadeus in here which is CRAZY bc that really is the movie ever. It was referenced by fob and s;g0 which already means it has something going for it for me, but the movie honestly was so good by itself and they just Do Not Make stuff like that anymore. I wish I knew more about the music in it though to appreciate it better and for soundtrack reasons. I get that it's pretty but I still know jackshit about specific classical music pieces and operas and their significance. Also I thinkkkk one of the best things I got for christmas might be the coldb rew maker, depending on how coarse "coarse ground coffee beans" really are and if it's actually cheaper to get those than buy those bottles of premade cold brew.