Thoughts, events, etc

12.19.24

Back home again, made pumpkin bread, and now get to work on this and other computer stuff more now. I want to get a laptop repair kit off ebay for when I eventually put that ram stick in since onces irl are crazy expensive. Maybe it's worth it, idk, but I prob won't use it heavily and just want to avoid breaking stuff by using an old screwdriver for everything like I do with my guitar and most other things. Already excited for the new years poker night function my friends and I have planned. Last year I didn't do anything and it kinda sucked. My cat is snoring super loud behind me rn it's like mrr....rr... i love him so much. Even tho it's the #south and all that I hope it isn't like 50-60 degrees on christmas. Totally kills the vibes. At least january temps and snow got my back ig.
Might work on a spacehey layout today feeling very cssy but there isn't much to do on here now that I have the about page up. OH I watched Romulus the other day and it was a solid 6/10. Like ok. The best part was the tie in with Prometheus (movie of all time) but it just lacked a lot imo. Generic horror movie formula that happens to be in a setting I like.

12.15.24

Seeing the buddies tonight was great we went out for dinner and played pool. This morning I got mickydees and grinded c++. Turns out trying to start on vscode was STUPID for several reasons so I did code::blocks instead with the download that includes the compiler and it works fine now. No issue anymore and it's actually really fun. Maybe just bc of how it's interactive different from the usual (R). I can see it in the console it's HYPE it feels like I'm talking to the computer. I wish I had more ideas for small/easy/beginner projects though because I know I can't just start with higher level simulation shit. Gotta practice and not just do tuts. Also in theory I should be doing advent of code with another friend but I always forget to actually start or just get lazy ack. Up late af and been drinking earlier and I regret not getting wings to go so I could eat them tomorrow. I also wish proton mail let you link to thunderbird without having to pay for the bridge thing. ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im HUNGRY. Also if you're reading this but not the recs page please look at fmhy.net it's like an early christmas present

12.13.24

Finals OVER all As and an A- somehow. This has easily been my hardest semester in a lot of ways and I don't think the next two could be any harder. Finished my economics minor so it's all math and random geneds the rest of the time. Excited for calc 3 also. All my friends say it's the easiest one in the calc 1-3 series and the one they like best. Idk if I buy that it's "easier" but it's 3D so that should be fun at least. I'm not sure if I'll actually be able to see them bc I live in an apartment near downtown but there's a good meteor shower tonight. Will turn off the lights and try to find my binoculars (bc my vision is shit) and see if I catch anything. Watched the social network yesterday (9/10) and the robotics;notes anime yesterday and today. The way they wrote/acted mark was a little too good and realistic imo. He reminded me too much of some of my friends. Back to playing enstars for now also I want to get my combos up while I have time. Seeing buddies tomorrow and chewdsday HYPE.

11.28.24

Happy thanksgiving to those that celebrate and/or like eating the food!! Break is hype and I have to be in the lab at 8am the morning after I come back ooof. I don't mind but having to do all that during finals has me a little fucked up especially since there's so many parts (especially with the guy i work for being like no lets test this other thing!! and it goes with the rest of my data and adds to the Mess of it all) and I have to present All of it. Kind of a wild project for someone that's never taken electricity and magnetism. NOT complaining tho i'll lock in and figure it out and not scew up on the two important finals. It seems doable I just have to be consistent with it and manage time well. Krispy Kreme decaf blend is a game changer lately. God i love rolls and bread and mac and cheese

11.27.24

Things been going really well these past few days (got the job YAYYAYAYY) also i HATE social media and especially twitter. Why would anyone willingly use a site where shit you say is used to train an ai and is owned by a freak that's officially about to be a fed. There aren't even any pros to make it remotely worth it. Twitter was ass before elon tho but now there's a real valid reason to shit on it constantly. Fuck tiktok and crypto and instagram also I have no sympathy for people that bitch about how meaningless and empty their life feels but kill Hours a day on sm. Womp womp you did it to yourself take some accountability and fix it.

11.14.24

Kind of at a point where I'm just very desperate and everything I do makes me cringe but I did figure out the sensor thing.

11.13.24

Huge day today tbh I have my Weekly Meeting in 20 mins then the interview then regular shit then I might go to trivia with people tonight. I worked for a few hours on stuff yesterday and got some Clear but wild and not very helpful results. Normalized the predictions with the observed field strength values and took the std error of the predictions for each window and boy did I get Shapes. The predictions fit better for the weaker fields coming out of smaller windows but the two higher ones have steeper drop offs between points and the shapes fit NOT VERY WELL. Not even an inverse quadratic relationship with windowarea/totalarea ratio it looks almost piecewise it's So Strange i have to ask about it today. It's consistent with the data and makes sense irl but idk what to do with that to Refine The Predictions. I don't think a constant scaling factor is great for the two large windows either but that's a whole other thing. Very much in the trenches with this but I have to Make My Own little tool for a probability calculation so I need this to at least kind of work so i can use it later. Gawd. uhhh got free coffee with rewards points and its Cold outside. Leftover cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Not really much else going on I'm just nervous about the interview bc it really is make or break and if it goes well I'm getting a treat tonight and if it goes bad I'm staying home and prob trying not to have a total freakout about being dogshit and unhireable again. Also part of the issue is bc the sensor was misaligned by a few cm but idk how much that hurts the measurements. Kinda hard to move forward without knowing that bc I don't reeeeeally know how much the predictions are overestimating vs how much weaker our stuff is from the actual values just bc of the sensor

11.10.24

Imagine being a guy working on something cool af and some dude like 10 years older than you catches wind of it and starts publicly running his mouth about nonsense and taking your hype #justiceformarconi

11.8.24

Things are Maybe looking up now. I got an interview (YIPEE YIPEE YIPEE YIPEE) finally and might be cooking on that magnetic flux calculation. I had to write a whole new thing for it but did it in R so it was easier. This morning I plotted some test values using that function and the shape looks how it should so I think the value I got is usable. Still just an estimate and not accounting for the shielding or anything but it's better than nothing or getting some freaky shape.

I also only need one number from all this to multiply by the area but I wanted to check to make sure the thing was working right so i don't get Yelled At and can actually explain what I'm doing (also so I don't get yelled at )
Last night I saw a mouse and this morning I tried to catch a katydid but he flew away and as soon as he was in the air a mockingbird got him. Holiday coffee blends out also.
Went a day with no caffiene during the Stomach Bug Day and got a 6 hour headache that only got better for a bit when I took 30 min naps.

11.3.24

Making #moves doing #updates #grinding etcetc. Made cinnamon STIX today and not rolls they were good. Uhhh i'm registering for classes tomoro. I also want the tesla brainrot gone so bad its so annoying to deal with when thats all iwant to think about but I just gotta wait it out I Guess.

11.2.24

If the lord see fit I will 3d print a case for my mp3 player this week, just need to figure out how to add holes for the ports in the right spots atp. Saw another buddy today and got publix chicken fingers. Also watched all the greylock tapes on yt, cool concept.

11.1.24

Halloween was fun I love my friends. I'm tired of shit rn and still can't stop fucking up. I feel like I'm going around just larping without any actual Skill or Ability behind it and it's still so embarrassing everyday. I shouldn't be doing most of the stuff I do and if I got paid I should've been fired by now. I know I'm still just learning or whatever but I wish I could make all my mistakes without anyone besides me knowing. At some point something has to change. I feel like if I could just get serious right now things might get better but I'm lazy and don't want it bad enough because I keep doing nothing. I wish I had someone to hold me accountable and force me to do things because CLEARLY I can't do it to myself. At some point I need to seriously consider how much I like what I do vs how awful at it I am and if it's worth it to keep going that way. Everything else is going pretty well but I think the fact that this One Thing hurts so bad means I care so I shouldn't quit because nothing else ever felt like this. I like talking all day about other people and total nonsense to not think about any of it. All I end up doing is getting content with easy ws and using it as an excuse to chill or go out with people or whatever. I don't know what I can do about any of it besides just some vague ideas but I wish it would stop because the embarrassment is constant at this point. All my friends are freakishly smart and are just better or had their learning curve way earlier and it's hard to be around them sometimes knowing that I'm nothing like them.

10.26.24

Got my flu shot today and watched terrifier 3 and 300. Unironically enjoyed 300 but terrifier was HOT ASS. I kind of just dgaf about gore and the only part that made a any of the movie redeemable was the guy that plays art being able to do all that without speaking. Looks like it might rain here tonight.

10.24.24 (vent)

I haven't done anything good in weeks and am stuck in a cycle of saying that I Will do better next time and then totally failing to do that. At this point I think i need to seriously change something that I'm doing but I'm not sure what. It might be just waking up earlier. I'm not working hard enough and then bitch about the consequences of that like I don't do it to myself and make the choice to be lazy. I'm not as good as I should be in basic calc and I think about quitting the research group I'm in almost everyday. Presenting sucks in any subject and especially for that. It's embarrassing and I hate it and I wish the guy I work with would do it all and the prof leading the group is super harsh. I know I deserve it because I really do just suck at it all except for SOMETIMES when he says something totally wrong about something from statistics and that makes me feel a little better.
I was saying the other day that it probably isn't as bad as I think it is because he's telling me to Do More instead of give up and I still have this one bitch that's UNREASONABLY jealous of me and shits on everything I do. I also think I can't make up my mind between just whining and actually working harder to stop sucking like this but I can't commit to either so nothing changes. It's all draining and feels pointless since I can't improve as quickly as I want and I'm a little worried about being able to find a job that pays more than 11$hr this summer. Knowing you're stupid and bad at things but not knowing how to change it sucks but I might just not be patient enough. I could be doing more and trying harder.

10.12.24

Updating again bc it's fall break!! I kinda want to redo this page's theme too but we'll see. Everything's way too busy and it's kind of getting to be A Lot even though it's all stuff I wanted. I'm in a research group finally (particle physics yay) (as of early september) but it's a ton of work on top of some of the hardest classes I've had yet. Apparently econ gets hard when it's international and I'm just awful at taking the time to actually study dates and terms and shit for my greek art history class. I also have to start applying for stuff for next summer, look at grad schools, pass the training thing to get clearance to actually Go to the expriment I'm a part of bc it's at one of the national labs, and then do everything well academically. By well I mean almost perfectly to keep up the streak but Lord Almighty it's hard. Doable but I just can't be lazy ever and have to stay up later.
Good news tho- I finally permanently deleted instagram after ~2 months of being off it. Still been using my little mp3 player and working on reducing Phone Time. I also love the new pc AND it's finally starting to get cold where I am. About a month ago I had a really bad week with acid reflux but it's settled down some so I can drink a normal amount of coffee again :>>
Next week I have a lot to do on the 2 solenoids i've been working with and I like those guys so I'm not complaining but I think I need to get all my actual homework done before then so I can focus on analyzing the data from that.

8.14.24

First morning back in my apartment and I'm making the pillsbury ~deluxe~ cinnamon rolls!! I got to see one of my friends and his reptiles again last night and I think I'm going to visit someone else today too after a zoom thing. I didn't post on here a whole lot during the summer bc I was Busy and Exhausted but everything ended up going well. Just barely got an A in calc and the last week of work was easily the best one all summer And I'm still waiting on my last paycheck to come in the mail. No major updates yet but this year I think I want to put more stuff on my walls.