Thoughts, events, etc

1.18.25

Back in my citayy with a three pound tub of coffee from costco. Genuinely this one might last me through the end of the semester. It's supposed to snow tomorrow and I really hope it does because I haven't been up here for a good snow. My friend/s and i are gonna go to the park if it does. Another thing at costco that i got are these packets of powder that make beef broth if you pour it in hot water. Will update on if those are any good bc if they are then that'll be a seriously life changing snack/lunch option especially since hot water is uuusually free at my school. I only have one class on the first day but it's a morning one and the low for the day is 9 degrees so when I'm walking to campus it'll probably be like 12. if im lucky. Anyway considering repurposing nekoweb for a study blog type thing to motivate me to keep grinding for the GRE. I'm following a 2 month schedule rn with some small tweaks and it's fine so far but i CANNOT quit because if this ends up being a repeat of the ACT i will have a breakdown Of Some Kind. Might also start posting digital camera pics on pixelfed. Anyway lots going on rn but hype I will have my comeback arc this semester #trust #manifest

1.10.25

Several inches of snow YAY it's been going from early this morning to currently (4:35pm) and I'm not sure when it's going to stop. For some reason I do not like my index page right now and am trying to make it look a little better. I think I wanna fix up the area with the table and little bio. Part of me wishes I went with a coherent theme like some people do bc it looks cool but I can't commit to a super specific aesthetic like that for more than maybe a week. HOWEVER rewtching the matrix has me reeeeally tempted to make Changes. I spent most of today writing a rough draft for poli sci and I feel pretty good about it. The amount I did will make things way easier going forward to the final draft. Obv needs editing and Improvement but I basically have over half the paper written as it is now, so the rest isn't as stressful to get through.

1.7.25

Nauseous from my period nothing is sitting well and i'm just annoyed with it. Anyway I started grinding through that online mathematica course again and it's kinda improving . For some reason you only get it "correct" if you use the exact syntax they want in the questions, even if the output is identical to the expected output. Sometimes it's even so picky that the only thing different is the name of the variable you use (think like n vs h) and it still counts as wrong. So fucking stupid but I want to like it and I want to finish it so We Endure. Writing things for that also has required way more attention paid to inside vs outside functions if that makes sense. It feels like everything has way more layers- probably because it's meant to be used for images, sound, styling, interactive displays, and alllllll this other stuff in addition to just computation. It kinda borders on trying to do too much sometimes. It's just verrrry different from other languages in terms of feel and uses. Also poli sci started and i actually like that so far. Lotta writing but I can do it on the treadmill unless I'm taking notes. It's icy outside and snowed like two days ago yippy. More might come through later in the week and i HOPE SO because I love watching it and fell asleep when the last round happened.

1.1.25

Being as Stationary as i am during breaks makes me feel physically Bad and gross I think. Laid in my room all day and feel like goop idk how else to put it. I think doing the treadmill while I'm just fiddling on my computer or grinding the cpp tutorial or ESPECIALLY listening to stuff for the class starting soon will fix that. I also need to work out my arms but that's a whooole different issue and two of my friends want me to go to the gym with them when we get back so maybe idk. I'm not putting on weight rn but I don't wanna lose my Muscle and/or end up skinnyfat. Got the custom faces mod working yesterday and might try to do plugins later tonight. I also fell asleep at 11 last night rippp. Longer post about The New Year and thoughts about allat coming later maybe.

12.28.24

Trying out the photo section thing here while doing other updates. I watched T.I.M. today and i liked a lot of it but then it got boring and like yeah i guess. No complaints it's still a solid 6.5/10 but now I want a movie where the husband really is cheating and the android just totally cucks him. pwnagotchi getting here MONDAY and i am also GOING OUT WITH PEOPLE that day so i hope the mail comes before I leave. I do not want to explain what it does to anyone in my family bc it's dubiously legal. Cute face tho and I plan to put a gps and antenna on there sometimes. I already found the parts and adapter I want online but might try to make my own case eventually. Speaking of cases i'm technically almost done with that one for the mp3 player i was gonna 3d print at school but haven't measured the ports to make the holes in the sides. Those are probably online and easy to find I'm just lazy.

12.27.24

It was actually pretty mild and the food was better than usual!! We didn't play all the games this year and my dad stayed longer and I think her being decided on a college cut a lot of the big talk out. One of my fav gifts is this absoultely Giant 'no spill' mug that looks kinda like a mini coffee pot. It keeps things hot for about 5-6 hrs. The RAM i ordered on the 24th came YESTERDAY, making it the fastest delivered ebay order I've ever done. It works well too (so far) and was ez to put in. It's raining now and I'm having tea and we're going to see one of the grandmas today. I also kinda want to make a pictures div for this page with dates under each one.

12.24.24

Christmas eve YIPEE. Family came over for brunch and it went surprisingly well ngl in terms of vibes and drama/lack thereof. I made bacon and people liked it, but it ended up taking forever bc I put too many slices in the skillet so it cooked slower. Good scones and reeeally good sausage balls. I also finally ordered a 16gb ram stick for my laptop from A-Tech on ebay and that should be here between friday and monday. I hope it makes a difference but I'm also just looking forward to seeing inside it. Christmas is cool and good but chillin on christmas eve is almost better. Laying in bed after dinner with the lights and tree on and binging the christmas specials from my fav creepypasta narrators with a hot drink is peak. My dad's family is usually chill (for me) but I feel like my aunt and cousin are gonna be annoying with their Nonsense tomorrow. Anyway best time of year cant fackin wait #festive

12.22.24

Not much going on rn. When i learn how to do it, I want to use int main() { std::cout << "enter an integer from 65-90: "; int num{}; std::cin >> num; std::cout << num << " has value " << static_cast(num) << '\n'; return 0; } with a random number generator and see if it spits out any words. I know it's unlikely but would be interesting

12.19.24

Back home again, made pumpkin bread, and now get to work on this and other computer stuff more now. I want to get a laptop repair kit off ebay for when I eventually put that ram stick in since onces irl are crazy expensive. Maybe it's worth it, idk, but I prob won't use it heavily and just want to avoid breaking stuff by using an old screwdriver for everything like I do with my guitar and most other things. Already excited for the new years poker night function my friends and I have planned. Last year I didn't do anything and it kinda sucked. My cat is snoring super loud behind me rn it's like mrr....rr... i love him so much. Even tho it's the #south and all that I hope it isn't like 50-60 degrees on christmas. Totally kills the vibes. At least january temps and snow got my back ig.
Might work on a spacehey layout today feeling very cssy but there isn't much to do on here now that I have the about page up. OH I watched Romulus the other day and it was a solid 6/10. Like ok. The best part was the tie in with Prometheus (movie of all time) but it just lacked a lot imo. Generic horror movie formula that happens to be in a setting I like.

12.15.24

Seeing the buddies tonight was great we went out for dinner and played pool. This morning I got mickydees and grinded c++. Turns out trying to start on vscode was STUPID for several reasons so I did code::blocks instead with the download that includes the compiler and it works fine now. No issue anymore and it's actually really fun. Maybe just bc of how it's interactive different from the usual (R). I can see it in the console it's HYPE it feels like I'm talking to the computer. I wish I had more ideas for small/easy/beginner projects though because I know I can't just start with higher level simulation shit. Gotta practice and not just do tuts. Also in theory I should be doing advent of code with another friend but I always forget to actually start or just get lazy ack. Up late af and been drinking earlier and I regret not getting wings to go so I could eat them tomorrow. I also wish proton mail let you link to thunderbird without having to pay for the bridge thing. ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im HUNGRY. Also if you're reading this but not the recs page please look at fmhy.net it's like an early christmas present

12.13.24

Finals OVER all As and an A- somehow. This has easily been my hardest semester in a lot of ways and I don't think the next two could be any harder. Finished my economics minor so it's all math and random geneds the rest of the time. Excited for calc 3 also. All my friends say it's the easiest one in the calc 1-3 series and the one they like best. Idk if I buy that it's "easier" but it's 3D so that should be fun at least. I'm not sure if I'll actually be able to see them bc I live in an apartment near downtown but there's a good meteor shower tonight. Will turn off the lights and try to find my binoculars (bc my vision is shit) and see if I catch anything. Watched the social network yesterday (9/10) and the robotics;notes anime yesterday and today. The way they wrote/acted mark was a little too good and realistic imo. He reminded me too much of some of my friends. Back to playing enstars for now also I want to get my combos up while I have time. Seeing buddies tomorrow and chewdsday HYPE.

11.28.24

Happy thanksgiving to those that celebrate and/or like eating the food!! Break is hype and I have to be in the lab at 8am the morning after I come back ooof. I don't mind but having to do all that during finals has me a little fucked up especially since there's so many parts (especially with the guy i work for being like no lets test this other thing!! and it goes with the rest of my data and adds to the Mess of it all) and I have to present All of it. Kind of a wild project for someone that's never taken electricity and magnetism. NOT complaining tho i'll lock in and figure it out and not scew up on the two important finals. It seems doable I just have to be consistent with it and manage time well. Krispy Kreme decaf blend is a game changer lately. God i love rolls and bread and mac and cheese

11.27.24

Things been going really well these past few days (got the job YAYYAYAYY) also i HATE social media and especially twitter. Why would anyone willingly use a site where shit you say is used to train an ai and is owned by a freak that's officially about to be a fed. There aren't even any pros to make it remotely worth it. Twitter was ass before elon tho but now there's a real valid reason to shit on it constantly. Fuck tiktok and crypto and instagram also I have no sympathy for people that bitch about how meaningless and empty their life feels but kill Hours a day on sm. Womp womp you did it to yourself take some accountability and fix it.

11.14.24

Kind of at a point where I'm just very desperate and everything I do makes me cringe but I did figure out the sensor thing.

11.13.24

Huge day today tbh I have my Weekly Meeting in 20 mins then the interview then regular shit then I might go to trivia with people tonight. I worked for a few hours on stuff yesterday and got some Clear but wild and not very helpful results. Normalized the predictions with the observed field strength values and took the std error of the predictions for each window and boy did I get Shapes. The predictions fit better for the weaker fields coming out of smaller windows but the two higher ones have steeper drop offs between points and the shapes fit NOT VERY WELL. Not even an inverse quadratic relationship with windowarea/totalarea ratio it looks almost piecewise it's So Strange i have to ask about it today. It's consistent with the data and makes sense irl but idk what to do with that to Refine The Predictions. I don't think a constant scaling factor is great for the two large windows either but that's a whole other thing. Very much in the trenches with this but I have to Make My Own little tool for a probability calculation so I need this to at least kind of work so i can use it later. Gawd. uhhh got free coffee with rewards points and its Cold outside. Leftover cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Not really much else going on I'm just nervous about the interview bc it really is make or break and if it goes well I'm getting a treat tonight and if it goes bad I'm staying home and prob trying not to have a total freakout about being dogshit and unhireable again. Also part of the issue is bc the sensor was misaligned by a few cm but idk how much that hurts the measurements. Kinda hard to move forward without knowing that bc I don't reeeeeally know how much the predictions are overestimating vs how much weaker our stuff is from the actual values just bc of the sensor

11.10.24

Imagine being a guy working on something cool af and some dude like 10 years older than you catches wind of it and starts publicly running his mouth about nonsense and taking your hype #justiceformarconi

11.8.24

Things are Maybe looking up now. I got an interview (YIPEE YIPEE YIPEE YIPEE) finally and might be cooking on that magnetic flux calculation. I had to write a whole new thing for it but did it in R so it was easier. This morning I plotted some test values using that function and the shape looks how it should so I think the value I got is usable. Still just an estimate and not accounting for the shielding or anything but it's better than nothing or getting some freaky shape.I also only need one number from all this to multiply by the area but I wanted to check to make sure the thing was working right so i don't get Yelled At and can actually explain what I'm doing (also so I don't get yelled at )
Last night I saw a mouse and this morning I tried to catch a katydid but he flew away and as soon as he was in the air a mockingbird got him. Holiday coffee blends out also.
Went a day with no caffiene during the Stomach Bug Day and got a 6 hour headache that only got better for a bit when I took 30 min naps.

11.3.24

Making #moves doing #updates #grinding etcetc. Made cinnamon STIX today and not rolls they were good. Uhhh i'm registering for classes tomoro. I also want the tesla brainrot gone so bad its so annoying to deal with when thats all iwant to think about but I just gotta wait it out I Guess.

11.2.24

If the lord see fit I will 3d print a case for my mp3 player this week, just need to figure out how to add holes for the ports in the right spots atp. Saw another buddy today and got publix chicken fingers. Also watched all the greylock tapes on yt, cool concept.

11.1.24

Halloween was fun I love my friends. I'm tired of shit rn and still can't stop fucking up. I feel like I'm going around just larping without any actual Skill or Ability behind it and it's still so embarrassing everyday. I shouldn't be doing most of the stuff I do and if I got paid I should've been fired by now. I know I'm still just learning or whatever but I wish I could make all my mistakes without anyone besides me knowing. At some point something has to change. I feel like if I could just get serious right now things might get better but I'm lazy and don't want it bad enough because I keep doing nothing. I wish I had someone to hold me accountable and force me to do things because CLEARLY I can't do it to myself. At some point I need to seriously consider how much I like what I do vs how awful at it I am and if it's worth it to keep going that way. Everything else is going pretty well but I think the fact that this One Thing hurts so bad means I care so I shouldn't quit because nothing else ever felt like this. I like talking all day about other people and total nonsense to not think about any of it. All I end up doing is getting content with easy ws and using it as an excuse to chill or go out with people or whatever. I don't know what I can do about any of it besides just some vague ideas but I wish it would stop because the embarrassment is constant at this point. All my friends are freakishly smart and are just better or had their learning curve way earlier and it's hard to be around them sometimes knowing that I'm nothing like them.

10.26.24

Got my flu shot today and watched terrifier 3 and 300. Unironically enjoyed 300 but terrifier was HOT ASS. I kind of just dgaf about gore and the only part that made a any of the movie redeemable was the guy that plays art being able to do all that without speaking. Looks like it might rain here tonight.

10.24.24 (vent)

I haven't done anything good in weeks and am stuck in a cycle of saying that I Will do better next time and then totally failing to do that. At this point I think i need to seriously change something that I'm doing but I'm not sure what. It might be just waking up earlier. I'm not working hard enough and then bitch about the consequences of that like I don't do it to myself and make the choice to be lazy. I'm not as good as I should be in basic calc and I think about quitting the research group I'm in almost everyday. Presenting sucks in any subject and especially for that. It's embarrassing and I hate it and I wish the guy I work with would do it all and the prof leading the group is super harsh. I know I deserve it because I really do just suck at it all except for SOMETIMES when he says something totally wrong about something from statistics and that makes me feel a little better.
I was saying the other day that it probably isn't as bad as I think it is because he's telling me to Do More instead of give up and I still have this one bitch that's UNREASONABLY jealous of me and shits on everything I do. I also think I can't make up my mind between just whining and actually working harder to stop sucking like this but I can't commit to either so nothing changes. It's all draining and feels pointless since I can't improve as quickly as I want and I'm a little worried about being able to find a job that pays more than 11$hr this summer. Knowing you're stupid and bad at things but not knowing how to change it sucks but I might just not be patient enough. I could be doing more and trying harder.

10.12.24

Updating again bc it's fall break!! I kinda want to redo this page's theme too but we'll see. Everything's way too busy and it's kind of getting to be A Lot even though it's all stuff I wanted. I'm in a research group finally (particle physics yay) (as of early september) but it's a ton of work on top of some of the hardest classes I've had yet. Apparently econ gets hard when it's international and I'm just awful at taking the time to actually study dates and terms and shit for my greek art history class. I also have to start applying for stuff for next summer, look at grad schools, pass the training thing to get clearance to actually Go to the expriment I'm a part of bc it's at one of the national labs, and then do everything well academically. By well I mean almost perfectly to keep up the streak but Lord Almighty it's hard. Doable but I just can't be lazy ever and have to stay up later.
Good news tho- I finally permanently deleted instagram after ~2 months of being off it. Still been using my little mp3 player and working on reducing Phone Time. I also love the new pc AND it's finally starting to get cold where I am. About a month ago I had a really bad week with acid reflux but it's settled down some so I can drink a normal amount of coffee again :>>
Next week I have a lot to do on the 2 solenoids i've been working with and I like those guys so I'm not complaining but I think I need to get all my actual homework done before then so I can focus on analyzing the data from that.

8.14.24

First morning back in my apartment and I'm making the pillsbury ~deluxe~ cinnamon rolls!! I got to see one of my friends and his reptiles again last night and I think I'm going to visit someone else today too after a zoom thing. I didn't post on here a whole lot during the summer bc I was Busy and Exhausted but everything ended up going well. Just barely got an A in calc and the last week of work was easily the best one all summer And I'm still waiting on my last paycheck to come in the mail. No major updates yet but this year I think I want to put more stuff on my walls.